Lessons in Friendship: A Volunteer's Story

Thank you to Gretchen Wysocki, from First Baptist Church of LaGrange, OH, for writing today's blog:

It’s been a couple of weeks since my son and daughter and I returned home from Shepherds Ministries.  We

First Baptist Church from LaGrange OH

had traveled with our church youth group from Ohio to Wisconsin for a week-long trip to serve alongside Shepherds residents, clients, and staff in the Shepherds Friend program.  We left expecting to serve and desiring to be a blessing to others.  God did, indeed, give us many opportunities to serve.  And, based on the warm responses of those we worked alongside, I believe He took our efforts and offerings and used them to bless others – to God be all the glory for that!  But what I didn’t quite expect (and I love how God works like this) was the extent to which I came away from the experience feeling like I was the one so enormously blessed.  I didn’t expect that the interactions and conversations with our friends at Shepherds would be just the tools God would use to reshape and refine my life.  I am not quite the same person having been at Shepherds, and I am very thankful God is faithful to His Word. (Phil 1:6)

Let me tell you a little about myself.  My name is Gretchen Wysocki.  I have been married nearly 19 years to my husband, Kevin.  We have three teenagers – a son, Nathan, and two daughters, Emme and Maeve.  I work part time as a registered nurse.

When the opportunity came up for me 

Gretchen and her friend, Becky

to go on our church youth group’s trip to Shepherds, I gladly accepted!  I was familiar with Shepherds Ministries and two of my kids who were old enough to serve at Shepherds were already signed up to go.  I soon found out that we would be taking part in the Shepherds Friend program.  Shepherds staff prayerfully considered information I gave them about myself to match me up with my friend for the week.  I was pretty excited when our youth pastor handed me a sheet of paper with Becky’s photograph and information about her on it.  I learned a little about her family, things she liked to talk about, and games she liked to play – all this before even meeting her!  How exciting!  Best of all, I could now start to pray for my friend, Becky, and for the week we would spend together.  My kids, Nathan and Emme, received a photo and information on their friends, Phil and Summer, respectively.  They were getting excited, as well.  Nathan remarked at how we and our friends seemed “just perfect” for one another.  What an example of God answering His people’s prayers!

I will never forget the first time I met Becky.  I introduced myself and she smiled shyly and said, “Hi.”  Work was a little slow in Shepherds Enterprises that first day together.  When I asked her what she’d like to do, she led me into the “break room” to sit down with her.  She readily answered my questions but soon took the lead and initiated conversations on her own.  I learned about her roommate, her family, and she showed me some of her “treasures” she keeps with her during the day.  We had moments of comfortable silence, too, watching the activities and interactions of others around us.  We were building a friendship.  Later in the afternoon, we got a job working together in Shepherds Enterprises.  Becky is a hard worker and knows her stuff!  She taught me what to do and soon we were making some real progress with our assignment.  We were a team, and it felt good to both of us, I believe.    

Nathan and Emme were having similar experiences with their friends.  Since all three of us were assigned to Shepherds Enterprises, we spent most of the day close by to one another.  As a mom, it was really neat to watch my kids and their friends build their relationships, too.

It did not take long at all to notice something about Becky, Phil, Summer and the other residents and clients we were spending time with.  Their acceptance of us was immediate and unconditional.  They didn’t care what we were wearing, what our hair looked like that day, if we said something awkward or silly, or what kind of emotional baggage of life we might’ve been carrying.  We were loved and accepted.  We were friends.  We were being loved like Jesus loves.  It felt great!  And, it was humbling and convicting.

How many times in relationships, new or old, have I let personal biases, preconceived notions, personal judgments, or hurt feelings keep me from loving others the way Jesus has called me to love them?   My new friends gave their love and acceptance freely and without judgment.  It was truly beautiful.  God was already at work through the love of my friends at Shepherds to identify and chisel away some rough edges in my life.  I came to Shepherds to serve, but my new friends were serving me with their willingness to set the example of loving like Jesus loves.

Summer and her friend, Emme

We had many chances to get to know our friends in a variety of settings throughout the week.  Shepherds Ministries is a fun and dynamic place, and there is always something going on it seems!  Nathan got to go to a Milwaukee Brewers game with Phil, and they went to a car show, too.  Emme and I got to have dinner in Lamb Cottage with Summer and Becky.  I have never felt more like an honored guest in someone’s home than I did when Becky welcomed me into her room at Lamb.  She showed me pictures of her family, her beads for making necklaces and bracelets, her special dolls and stuffed animals, and her collection of music tapes.  We listened to music together and talked about our families.

 

Another afternoon, Nathan, Phil, and I walked to the Dairy Queen across the street to get ice cream.  The road between Shepherds and the DQ was not particularly busy at the time, but we did have to wait for a car to pass.  Just as it passed and we began to take our first step into the street, I felt Phil’s hand take hold of mine.  He held it firmly until we got across the street when he then released my hand and simply said, “Thank

Nathan and his friend, Phil

you.”  This unexpected, simple act warmed my heart, and I was glad to be able to provide a sense of safety and security to my friend.  However, this was yet another opportunity God was taking to show me an area of my life that He wanted to refine in me.  Phil didn’t let pride or fear of what I would think get in the way when he had a need.  He didn’t let embarrassment over the fact that he was unsure or maybe a little fearful over a situation keep him from literally reaching out for help when he needed it.  How many times have I let pride over wanting to have an I-have-it-all-together appearance keep me from asking for help?  God has provided me with some invaluable, precious, godly friendships in my life.  These are people I know who would be faithful to pray for and encourage me, speak truth to me, or just provide practical help to me whenever I’d ask.  Phil showed me the value of being vulnerable and how God faithfully places people in our lives to help us, without judgment, just when we most need it.  I came to serve, but God used Phil to serve me with a really great example of being vulnerable and trusting.

Our time at Shepherds was filled with life lessons, opportunities for growth, and special connections made with our new friends.  We ate together at Shepherds Table, worshiped together during chapel and prayer meeting, played games, and talked about our lives with each other.  I learned I had something I hold very close to my heart in common with some of my friends at Shepherds, including Becky – the pain and heartache of losing a parent.  Eighteen months ago, I watched as my mom went home to her Lord and Savior.  She had cancer, and God, in His mercy and wisdom, healed her in Heaven instead of here on Earth.  I miss her every day.  Some of my friends at Shepherds know that kind of loss, too.  We were able to share that with one another. We found comfort together in the truth that since our moms and dads knew Jesus, they were now in Heaven.  Maybe our parents even knew each other now!  This was just one more example of God using the residents at Shepherds to serve me, even as I was there to serve them.  God knows our deepest hurts and needs and is faithful to meet them.  I love how He designed the body of Christ to work!  And that’s exactly what we and our friends at Shepherds who are in Jesus are – the body of Christ!

I won’t deny it – saying goodbye to Becky, Phil, Summer and the others on the last day was tough!  We had formed some meaningful connections with the people at Shepherds in a short time, and I think most of us just wished we had a little more time.  In addition to my new friendships, I had some new truths that God was revealing in my life.  I had my eyes and my heart opened to how I view others, both with and without disabilities, how I view my relationships, and how I view myself and the ways in which God wants to work in my life.   We hope very much to return to Shepherds again sooner than later, but the reality of this life is that death is a part of it.  My mom used to say, “Eternity is just a breath away.”  And, it’s true.  Maybe I will get to see all of my friends at Shepherds again in this life.  I hope so.  But, if that is not to be, I know that for those of us who are in Jesus, we have the absolute assurance of seeing each other again someday in Heaven.  

So, now what?  What do I do with all that God taught me while at Shepherds Ministries?  What do I do with the friendships, experiences, and memories?  First and foremost, I strive to honor God with them.  I make it my aim to say “Yes, Lord” to whatever He’s calling me to do, wherever, whenever, and with whomever.  I look for opportunities to love others like Jesus has called me to do.  I ask for His help to reject pride and self-centeredness and ask God to make me humble and amenable.  I let God use the pain in my life to make something beautiful and useful to Him and to others.

I continue my friendships.  In an age of cell phones, texting, tweeting, and facebooking, letter writing is nearly a lost art. (Do you know some schools aren’t even teaching cursive writing anymore?!)  My friends at Shepherds love receiving mail.  Last week, my kids and I prepared and mailed care packages and handwritten notes with photos from our time at Shepherds for our friends.  I wish we could’ve seen their faces when they received them!  Summer beat us to the punch, though.  A few days after returning home, Emme received a letter from Summer, and it absolutely made her day!  

More importantly, I continue to pray for Becky and the others at Shepherds.  As precious as she and the others have become to me, I know they are even more precious to their Heavenly Father, in whose image they are made.  They are loved perfectly by Him.

As I said above, we do hope to return to Shepherds – this time to serve as a family.  We are prayerfully seeking God’s timing for that.  Nathan, Emme, and I are excited to return because we’ve experienced the joy of God working in and through the relationships formed while we were there.  And, my husband, Kevin and youngest daughter, Maeve, can’t help but anticipate what God may have in store for them at Shepherds because the rest of us can’t seem to stop talking about it!

To say that being part of the Shepherds Friend program was a great experience would be a serious understatement.  I don’t think I could ever sum it up in one descriptive word.  I can say this with certainty though – I wouldn’t trade the time I spent with Becky and my other friends there for anything.  God used the relationships we formed there to once again, show what a loving, faithful God He is!  It is my prayer that our lives will reflect that.