World Autism Day

This story is one about ignorance. My own.

 

 Several years ago, something bad happened to my family, and I started pulling away from the church. The pastor, bless him, tried to stop the outward ebb of the Griffis family by organizing a motorcycle trip to Iowa. He drafted me as a driver in the break-down van to trail behind several of my dearest friends straddling hogs and Hondas as they roared down hundreds of miles of country roads. He thought it would be healing.

After bad weather, engine trouble, messed up hotel reservations and the awkwardness of dear people trying to pretend that all was right in the world, we headed back home. 

I don’t know what road we were on, and I don’t know what state we were in, but I was in the passenger seat with the pastor’s wife behind the wheel, watching our little biker gang take a huge, blind curve. Suddenly, there were rhinoceroses standing at the bend in the road. Even as my mind was registering that these life-sized beasts were made of stone, I jumped, the pastor’s wife startled, and the motorcycle directly in front of us, the one ridden by my friend Angie, swerved and lost control. We screamed and yelled frantic prayers to God as we watched Angie and her bike skid, drag and flip end over end at the side of the road.

I tell you all this as an excuse for my next behavior, even as I know that there really is no excuse.

Due to God’s protection, Angie was banged up, but otherwise healthy. We were all shaken to the core and decided to get off the road as soon as possible to recover. Golden arches appeared after a few miles and, by unspoken agreement, we all pulled off and walked in the restaurant to order.

I was last in line. The girl behind the counter was a pretty teenager with an unsmiling face. I watched and listened as she took my friends' orders in a cold, unfriendly manner without making eye contact. With each order, I felt rage building inside me.  She was so rude! I was physically trembling, and my thoughts became loud, angry and unorganized. My pastor was directly in front of me. I could see that he was already defensive when he placed his order, but he remained in control. The girl became surly at a request he made and refused to place his order until he changed it. My pastor, a man who was trying to help me at the worst time of my life, looked upset and confused… and that was it. 

Everything in me - the hurt, the fear, the rage - boiled over and that poor girl took the brunt of it all. I told her exactly what I thought of her, her rudeness, her arrogance, her teenaged snottiness. I made her cry. The other staff members gathered around her while trying to placate me. I demanded her manager. A tired-looking older woman approached me with caution, and I let her have it too. Did she care so little about customer service that she would let this insolent jerk behind a register? Why wasn’t this horrible girl in back with the deep fryers? Why didn’t she receive better training? Why wasn’t she disciplined? Why wasn’t she fired?!

 

The manager endured my barrage of furious questions with lines of exhaustion on her face, and said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” over and over again. When my rant was finished, she simply said, “We hire people with disabilities. She has autism.”

The rage was gone, replaced by a soul-deep tiredness. I was raised hearing my dad say, “There’s rarely a reason not to be nice. Show the world kindness.” I thought, ‘Wow. The first time I ever lose my temper in public, and it’s at a young girl with autism.’ Why didn’t I listen to my dad? And why, after working several months in the disability field, didn’t I notice the signs of disability?

It was because, while I recognized the possible speech impediments, disjointed conversations, slack jaws, protruding tongues, flat features and wondering, wandering eyes of some people with intellectual disabilities, I knew next to nothing about autism.

I don’t remember much else from that point onward. Just shame and embarrassment… and a determination that I would learn all I could about autism so, even in extreme circumstances, I could handle the disability with patience, love and control.

Over time, through reading books, magazines and blogs, and through the invaluable experience of getting to know and love the people of Shepherds, I learned about autism.

I learned that not all people with autism are socially disengaged – but some are.

I learned that some people with autism have bright, active minds while others struggle with remedial tasks.

I learned that some people with autism have sensory issues that cause them great stress – and some don’t.

I learned that all people with autism are somewhere on a “spectrum” because they all have different levels of functioning and differing abilities, much as we all do.

I learned that people with autism need support and understanding, not impatience, criticism and judgment.

In honor of this special day, I want to give you something - something that could change your life and the lives of those around you, something I wish I had all those years ago at that counter in McDonalds – knowledge.

Please learn all about autism this World Autism Day and National Autism Awareness Month.

Autism Speaks - http://www.autismspeaks.org

Autism Society - http://www.autism-society.org

Autism Research Institute - http://www.autism.com

Autism Now - http://autismnow.org

Autism Basics - http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/autism/autism3.htm

The Autistic Mind - http://www.planetautism.com/gary2.htm

Top 25 Autism Spectrum Blogs - http://www.babble.com/baby/top-25-autism-spectrum-blogs/top-25-autism-blog-full-list

The Best Books on Autism - http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/15047.Best_Books_for_Autism 

Autism Parenting Magazine - http://www.autismparentingmagazine.com

Autism Asperger's Digest - http://autismdigest.com 

Autism Spectrum Quarterly - http://www.asquarterly.com/ 

Winters at Shepherds

Thank you to Owen Lackey for writing today's blog. Owen is trying his hardest to bring comfort to us all as we face another snow forecast this evening...

Old stories from before I arrived in 1985:

·         Snow so heavy and abundant, that maintenance put snow throwers on the Wood Center roof to remove some of it.

·         Snow accumulation so large that drifts extended to the building roof line in a continuous arc from the drifts in front of the Wood Center.

·         Blizzard conditions and snow so deep 

      that maintenance had to go get their employees 

      from their homes in order to change shifts.

When I arrived in 1985:

·         Only one snow blower, one plow, and an old Ford tractor with a scraper blade for equipment. Maintenance did all roads 

      and sidewalks: no contractors. Only one road existed from the front east entrance around 

      past the Lamb Cottage to the current laundry.

·         No Bolthouse, Cook, Findley, Miter, A & B, Maintenance, Greenhouse, Franke, or Kuhnle buildings or their sidewalks.

·         Residents were expected to help with sidewalk snow removal outside their 

      living areas.

Winter Events I’ve Experienced:

·         Numerous, long, night plowing shifts.

·         Walking behind a snow thrower in a white out, finding my way back to the maintenance building by touch.

·         Pulling staff cars out of the front yard by Lamb because they slid off the curve on the icy road.

·         Digging out house-mother’s cars so they could go home.

·         Pushing snow backwards on an open tractor seat in a blizzard with no lights.

·         Running a Shepherds van as a shuttle bus to get enough staff here to cover programming.

·         Water and ice flowing fast in the east ditch, almost level with the parking lot. 

·         Discovering a running spring in the open Findley basement excavation in December.

·         Burst pipes in the Findley Center wreaking 

      havoc on the computer room.

·         Holding a 4 x 8 sheet of plywood on the roof to block a strong wind, so a maintenance man could replace a fan motor on a roof-top furnace without freezing his fingers.

·         Opening garage doors in the fiercest winter conditions because some staff ladies couldn’t budge them.

·         Using a snow thrower and six residents to empty 18” of snow out of the roofless, open structure of the Findley second floor during construction.  Jumping out of the window opening into a 10’ snow mound to the great delight of the residents watching.

·         Putting chains on the utility tractor tires to battle ice on the road.

·         Breaking ice in the marsh behind 

      Lamb so that a drain pipe could flow, allowing the water to drain from the Wood kitchen basement.

·         Trying to keep plants alive in the first winter in the new greenhouse before the furnaces were installed.

·         Digging out the Miter construction site so the contractors could get into the building.

·         Knocking off avalanches of snow 

      from the Wood Center roof on top of unsuspecting co-workers.

·         Working in wet, freezing clothes while the first set of clothes is still in the dryer in the laundry room.

·         Pulling the tractor out of the front yard by truck and chain.

·         If you run out of gas with the snow thrower, you will always, always, always be at the furthest point on campus from the gas cans.

·         A flat tire in an ice storm; how does that happen?

·         Coming in earlier than the airport day staff so they could get vehicles out and on the road on time, never knowing if the residents would get to go home that day.

·         Standing in waist deep snow, pushing on a building window from the outside so it could be latched.

·         Water dripping down my neck from icicles.

·         Knocking down icicles on top of myself because others fear being impaled.

·         Falling off of a roof into deep snow and struggling to get out.

….yeah, this winter ain’t so bad.

Recognizing Years of Dedicated Service

When I started working here in 2007, one thing was very evident – people enjoyed working for Shepherds.  The smiles on the staff members’ faces were one giveaway, but it was the longevity of employment that convinced me I had found a healthy place to work.

My co-workers in the Development office were each going on their 15^th year of employment. Joan, in the Business Office, had 35 years under her belt. Sandy, in Program, was a teacher in the early years of Shepherds Home & School. The 20-Year Club had around twenty members at their annual dinners. It was obvious that people were called by God to work, and remain, at Shepherds.

What happens when a Shepherds employee stays with our organization for decades?

During that time, her elbows have worn through the finish on her desk in the spot they've rested every day of every year she’s been here.

His file cabinets get stuffed to overflowing because all the information on his clients is too important to throw away.

The residents all know she’s coming before they can see her in the doorframe because they recognize the sound of her laughter in the hallway.

His pictures in the employee files include black and white head shots, grainy Polaroids dating back to plaid pants and sweater vests, and vibrant digital prints that show every laugh line on his face.

She becomes the go-to girl for every question whether it's about client medications, weekend outings or payroll.

And working on Christmas Day is no big deal because each resident and co-worker becomes just as much a part of her family as her sons and daughters.

Loyalty and love spills over into everything these employees do because they’ve grown to care so much – for the residents, the staff, the responsibilities, and even the walls around them. 

Losing one of these employees hurts. Their years of employment represent their investment of time in building meaningful relationships and gaining invaluable knowledge of all things Shepherds. How can that ever be replaced?

This month, four amazing women retired from Shepherds, and their co-workers wanted an opportunity to recognize each one:

Nella Aiello retired from her service in Catalyst, our independent living program, after 8 years. 

“I appreciate Nella’s positive attitude and dedication to the Catalyst Program. She had such care for the clients and joy in her work. Whenever I think of Nella, I smile!”  ~ Lori 

“I got to know Nella really well when our  offices were in the Clark apartments together. We bonded well. She has a very caring and loving spirit for those she works with and for what she does. She always goes above and beyond what required of her, giving all of herself in whatever she does.  I grew to love her dearly and will miss her. She will be remembered for all the wonderful, yummy goodies she made. She kept me well fed. I wish her good health and a blessed retirement. I hope she will get to travel and spend time with her family as she wants to do.” ~ Renae

“One memory that sticks out for me with Nella – I work up in the Clark apartments with the 3^rd year students, and whenever I see Nella, she has baked goods, fruit or some sort of food that she is always willing to share with me and the students. This was always a conversation starter, and it was always wonderful to see her.”  ~ Andrew

Linda Wood retired from her volunteer service, most recently in Shepherds Advocates, after 10 years.

“Linda was always busy helping people both on and off our campus. Shepherds was blessed to have her as a volunteer for all of these years. In 2013 alone, she volunteered more than 1,000 hours! This was probably a per year average for her, but she wasn’t one to log her hours – she gave them so freely and fully to serve the people of Shepherds. She will be missed as a volunteer!” ~ Becci

“Linda was always willing to share resources and even purchased a few to help Shepherds College. I love her kind spirit and willingness to help.”  ~ Lori

Linda Manlick retired from her work in the Business Office after 10 years.

“Linda is a very sweet, kind, dependable woman, and she was always fun to work with. She made amazing bean dip, enough for many days of sharing with the rest of the office staff.”  ~ Joy

“Linda had the answers for everything and always had a positive attitude! I appreciated her wisdom when trying to navigate confusing social security issues. I wish I had just a portion of her knowledge and experience!” ~ Lori

And then Ruth Bose, who retired from Program after 32 years of dedicated service to Shepherds.

“While still working full-time in the units, I had had an unusually bad day. The next day, Ruth came walking down the hallway toward me only to say, ‘I just want you to know you’re wonderful.’ She heard about the day I had the day before, and even though we didn’t know each other very well, she still went out of her way to encourage me. A month later, I started working in the nursing department, and Ruth became my boss. She has been a huge blessing to me ever since. She radiates God’s goodness, grace and mercy to all those around her.” ~ Kaitlin

“I can say that thirteen year ago, God used Ruth as a life saver in my life. She has been such a mentor over the years I’ve been at Shepherds. Ruth will be greatly missed by her Shepherds family, but so deserves to be retired and enjoying her Bose family.” ~ Sherie

“Ruth was always there for me with a listening ear and a heart willing to step in and fill the gaps when we were short. I so appreciate and value her wisdom. I wish her a blessed retirement – that she can finally travel and spend some much needed time with all those grandchildren she so dearly loves. Her ministry will continue to grow in their lives.” ~ Renae

“Ruth has been a mentor and dear friend ever since I arrived at Shepherds. Shepherds has a unique culture. Ruth helped me understand the culture, history, and direction of Shepherds. She allowed me to discuss ideas, and she willingly shared her perspective. I appreciated her honest and upfront approach. I am so thankful for her example professionally and spiritually. She cared deeply for the staff and clients of Shepherds and shows this through personal sacrifice, insistence on Truth, and genuine love for each person. I consider it a privilege to call Ruth my friend and am thankful that my path crossed hers eight years ago.” ~ Lori

“For many of the years our daughter Joy was at Shepherds, so was Ruth. We became friends on our visits to see Joy, when we were home from Brazil. We realized very soon that this fine lady loved the residents and was actively engaged in their care.  Ruth invited us for lunch many times at a local restaurant in Union Grove and insisted Joy come with us.  What a gracious person.  It was not the easiest chore to take Joy out because of her difficulty in walking and style of eating.  We reciprocated and invited her for lunch several times as we enjoyed her friendship.

            One time we had Joy come out to Washington State, and Ruth was visiting her daughter who lives in the same state.  She did the magnanimous gesture of bringing her and taking her back to Shepherds.  Her kindness was beyond the line of duty and always with a smile.

            Ruth’s never ending love for Joy was manifest in so many ways.   At the hospital one time, Joy was obviously disturbed with the new surroundings, and the hospital staff was uncertain they could deal with her properly.   Ruth, with grace and expertise, used some sign language, and then placed a magazine by Joy, indicating she would return.  Joy loved magazines and calmed down instantly.

            When Joy’s residency at Shepherds ended, we boldly asked Ruth if she would be willing to accompany Joy and bring her to her new facility in Lynden, Washington, where she had just been admitted.   Typically Ruth agreed and accompanied Joy on her last journey on this earth, before taking her heavenly trip, just 6 months later.  Ruth stayed extra days to instruct the staff regarding the idiosyncrasies of Joy’s care and how better to communicate with her.

            When Shepherds could no longer keep Joy because of their inability to provide the care needed as she aged, we spent weeks trying to find a place that would accept her.  Later on Ruth told Margie that if we had not found a place to adequately care for Joy’s needs, she personally would have taken her.  We know she really meant this and are eternally grateful for such a person who loves people with intellectual disabilities and proves it by her actions.  Her daily presence and activity on the campus of Shepherds will be missed when she retires. 

            For this and a myriad other reasons, Ruth has been a precious part of our family these many years.  Her dedication, love, patience, and energy have endeared her to us and many others. Our hearts are filled with gratitude for the years she has labored at Shepherds and touched so many lives.  Jesus said something significant about Mary in the Bible: ………..She has done a good work for Me. (Mark 14:6) Ruth is a beautiful example of good works as she served the Lord and Shepherds.” ~ Ralph & Margie

These women define “compassionate Christian care.” We are all blessed to have worked with them.