The Mini Reunion

Thank you to Bill Stevens for writing today's blog. Bill is Director for Development Activities and Field Representative for the Southeast region. If you'd like to contact Bill to arrange a visit to your church or home, please call 904-260-2425.



I left Jacksonville just before 7AM for my four-hour drive to meet up with resident, Dan, who was spending his summer vacation in Lake Placid, FL with his sister and brother-in-law. In spite of heavy traffic getting to the interstate and taking the long route around Orlando to avoid the congestion, I arrived at my destination right on time at 11:30AM.  Dan’s sister had previously thought she would keep the purpose of my visit a surprise, but she spilled the beans and Dan rushed out to greet me with his usual rib-crushing bear hug.  He knew we were on the way to meet up with Louis, a.k.a. “Butch.”  Dan had not seen his friend of over 22 years in more than a year since Butch moved away from Shepherds to his new independent life in Sebring, FL. (see “Catalyst for Independence”).

After hearing about Dan’s latest fishing trip wherein he lost the “big” ones, we buckled the seat belts and headed back north some 20 miles to meet Butch at his home.  During the drive, Dan shared his recent life events with me.  He excitedly told me about being picked as captain of his bowling team.  It seems he is quite the bowler.  Several times he has bowled 200+ games according to his brother-in-law.  He ardently described his hook deliveries and how he had to position his feet and release the ball.  He has two bowling balls of his own of which he is very proud.  He also told me of a recent outing to the lanes where he met “Señor Michael” a six-foot four-inch, Spanish-speaking bowler who was with a friend who translated for him.  Dan and Señor Michael became friends quickly, and Dan enjoyed speaking through a translator.  Dan also shared about his personal experiences of trying to help a severely ill roommate at Shepherds.  He was asked to call 911 and stay on the line with the operator until help arrived.  Sadly, his friend David passed away, but Dan was so happy that he could attend his funeral.  Dan is quite the conversationalist and continually talks, jumping from one story to another.  He would punctuate his story telling by using the exclamation“all ex-sudden” instead of “suddenly”.  He must have peppered his conversations with that phrase during the course of the day twenty to twenty-five times.  Before the last few miles to Butch’s home, we stopped to purchase our picnic food.  Yes, weather permitting, we were planning an outside picnic with all southern food.  Dan picked out a box of fried chicken, southern style potato salad, baked beans, a peach cobbler pie, and two bottles of soda.  I added a bag of ice, and we strapped in the car again to make our way to Maranatha Village where Butch resides in his mobile home.

As we drove into Maranatha Village, Dan began sizing everything up.  Two lakes -he wondered if Butch fished.  I told him Butch said there were gators in them.  “All ex-sudden” he was alert, scanning the banks and looking with interest at the homes we passed until we pulled into Butch’s drive.  We made our way to the door, knocked, and when Butch opened the door, Dan exclaimed, “Remember me?”

Butch let us in, and “all ex-sudden” Dan saw Butch’s sister, whom he knew, and warmly greeted her too.  After she left, they noticed it was getting awfully hot and clouds were forming, so we had our picnic inside. 

Dan talked continually, filling Butch in on all the news about their mutual friends at Shepherds.  It was quite a reunion, although truly a mini-reunion since there were just the two of them.  After lunch, before our next adventure of the afternoon, Butch took Dan on a tour of Marantha Village on his golf cart in hopes of spotting gators. 

“Nope!” Dan said emphatically on their return. “No alligators, but I think I can teach Butch something about fishing.”   

Butch showed us his new propane grill, 

his new basketball hoop and stand, 

and told Dan about his landscaping work around his home.  Butch also works as general yardman and landscaper for the Manor Assisted Living Facility.  It was his earnings of $66.48 every two weeks that paid for grill, basketball stand, a new flat screen tv, and soon-to-be-delivered - a new stackable washer /dryer combination being installed in the bathroom.  That’s pretty common in most small mobile homes.  Butch really does a good job with independent living.  Not only does he work for the Village, but he is member of Maranatha Baptist Church where he now serves as an usher with his own name tag!

We buckled up once again and went to a local mall where they have an arcade called “Game Time.”  I had searched for a miniature golf (Putt- Putt) course, but the only one in Sebring was closed for the summer and the next closest was 60 miles away in Lakeland.  The guys enjoyed over an hour playing ski ball, basketball toss, milk can toss, and Ninja sword fighting.   

When their tokens ran out, we left the arcade to only find out it was really getting ready to pour. Dan wanted Butch to see where he lived on summer vacation so we drove in the driving rain back to Lake Placid and arrived at Dan’s sister’s house just as the rain was slacking.  It was still raining so Dan could not give Butch a tour of the property to see his brother-in-law’s fishing boat, the pool, and the grill “that is a lot bigger than yours!”  We sat and talked with Dan’s brother-in-law while Dan did most of the talking, telling Ron about their day and everything that Butch was doing.  Ron told me that Dan is high functioning enough to live independently, but he has problems remembering to take very important meds, and they have not wanted to chance it to this point in his life.  Dan is very happy and was looking forward to going back to Shepherds to resume his activities, his sports, his work, time with his friends, and his “Harbor” group home roomies.  I received another crushing hug, and Butch and I departed for the return trip to his home.

I dropped Butch off with the promise I would be back before the end of the year so we could grill out.  He was excited, not because of what I said or that I was leaving, but rather because he could hardly wait for the next day when he would go to Tropicana Park in St. Petersburg with a bus load from Maranatha Village to see the Tampa Bay Rays play.

I returned back home in Jacksonville about 7:30 PM and reviewed the pictures I had taken and enjoyed the blessings and good memories from the Mini-Reunion.  I love my job!

Changing My Mind

I had limited exposure to people with intellectual disabilities when I was growing up. 

There was a teenaged boy named Jeff in the house down the road from my childhood home. Whenever I saw Jeff, he was with a parent, he was protected by a very large, growling guard dog, and he was making noises that sounded to my young ears like agonized moaning. I walked by his house every day with my head down, hoping that I looked deep in thought, hoping that he, or his dog, wouldn’t notice me.

Then there was another teenaged boy named Eddie. He was the son of an out-of-state friend of my parents. I heard stories about Eddie throughout the years, but I only met him one memorable time.

I didn’t know how to act around Eddie the time we visited. I was fifteen and, being a girl, very self-conscious. 

I tried to talk to him once, but he didn’t say anything – he just stared. 

I smiled once, but he didn’t smile back – he just stared. 

I wanted to ride his dirt bike around the yard, but when I asked, he didn’t shake his head or nod or anything – he just stared. 

And this wasn’t the “wow, I think you’re cute!” kind of staring. It was the kind that had me running for the nearest mirror to do the nose check, hair check, teeth check, girlie paranoid thing.

So my very limited exposure to people with intellectual disabilities caused me to form a faulty perception, which was people with intellectual disabilities are unapproachable and very sad.  They spend their days moaning, staring and separated from other people.

 This perception wasn’t challenged until I started working at Shepherds. I saw that people with intellectual disabilities had personalities and character and charm. 

They had many moods, and sad was only one of them.

They moaned once in a while, maybe when the lunchroom ran out of pizza and they had to eat beef stew instead, but there was also chatter, bickering, smiles and laughter that filled the hours every day.

And rarely – rarely – did I see anyone just staring. Our people were engaged on all levels – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

If anyone reading this blog currently shares the erroneous beliefs from my pre-Shepherds years, I invite you to visit our campus. Meet our people. Eat a meal with them at the Shepherds Table. Spend an evening singing bad karaoke with them. Talk to them about their families and God and their favorite dessert at Dairy Queen. They have a lot to say.

Sure, some people with intellectual disabilities communicate non-verbally. Some of their noises sound an awful lot like moaning. But stop for a moment and really listen. Watch their expressions and listen to the inflections in their voices. They have something to tell you. They are excited. They are angry. They have a story. Hear them.

And some people with intellectual disabilities stare. I do too when I’m writing, when I’m gazing inward at all the words floating across my mind like the messages in the window of a Magic 8 ball. I’m sure I’ve freaked out every single one of my co-workers. But when our residents stare, don’t let it unnerve you. Look deep in their eyes and acknowledge them. Appreciate the soft gaze of satisfaction deep within. Or notice the pinch of confusion or the light of curiosity. Just don’t turn away in discomfort as I once did. See them.

I wish I could take all that I learned at Shepherds in the last six years and give it to the little girl who wanted to be nice to Jeff, but didn’t know how. That little girl would have asked Jeff’s dad if she could sit by the pond in their front yard with Jeff and talk about how crazy the ducks got when someone threw bread in the water, or her amazement at the big hill in the center of their driveway. Did Jeff ever want to sled down it in the winter the way she did?

I wish I could tell my teenaged self that Eddie was staring because girls didn’t usually come over to his house. He didn’t realize that hair could be teased so high, and I didn’t realize how distracting my big, sparkling earrings were to someone with sensory issues. I’d like to think that my teenaged self would have been less self-absorbed and more patient, that I would have smiled more than once, or asked him more than one question. Or maybe I should have stared back to let him know that I was aware of him and wanted to take the time to figure out this whole new form of communication.

It took the people of Shepherds to teach me that disability doesn’t equal sadness and separation. Disability is just one tiny part of the richness of our human experience. The other parts? Purpose, faith, friendship, community, learning, talents, strengths, weaknesses, adventure, promise, love, loss, communication, caring… it’s all there in every one of us.

Shepherds changed my beliefs about disability. 

Has your experience with Shepherds changed you too? We’d love to hear your stories about Shepherds and the people who call this ministry home.

Meet Hazel Barrett

Thank you to Hazel Barrett, Living Skills Instructor, for helping to write today's blog.

My name is Hazel. I’m a quiet woman, much like my mom in many ways. I’m focused on what needs to be done, and I stick with it until it’s accomplished. I’m not much of a leader, but I’ll work alongside the leader to accomplish any task.

I first heard about Shepherds at the age of eighteen when two young people with intellectual disabilities from my church came to live at Shepherds. My older sister decided God had called her to serve Him at Shepherds so I helped my dad drive her from New York State to Union Grove, WI. A few months later, I also believed that God was calling me to serve Him at Shepherds… so I made the long drive again.

I have now served the Lord at Shepherds for 41 years in a number of positions – House Mother, Night Worker, Unit Supervisor, and Living Skills Instructor (LSI).

As an LSI, I currently serve thirteen men in Unit 14 Cook Cottage. I teach them basic living skills such as bathing, shaving, brushing their teeth, how to do laundry, and how to clean their rooms. We also work on skills like setting the table for meals, proper portions of food for each meal, and sweeping and mopping the floors after meals. Chores are assigned for some of the responsibilities such as folding towels and putting them away.

Working with these men is important, but I believe the most important responsibility I have is being an example of God’s love. We spend time every evening reading God’s Word, working on the memory verse for the month, and sharing prayer requests. I want the men to see Christ in my life and in my attitude. I want them to feel free to come to me with any concerns they have on their hearts.

God has given me a great love for people, as well as for sewing. I feel so blessed to be able to use both gifts in my work at Shepherds!

After 41 years, I have lots of wonderful memories associated with Shepherds, but my best memory is of the morning after I led one of my teen girls to Christ. Back in the 1970s, House Mothers, as we were called then, lived right in the area where the children had their rooms. I was awakened that morning on my day off by a very excited young girl telling everyone, “My heart is clean! My heart is clean! Jesus!”

I may be quiet, but I enjoy a good laugh too. Funny things happen at Shepherds all the time! One day during my House Mother years, one of my little girls came out of her room so proud because she had dressed herself – she had her legs through the sleeves of her blouse! And one day I looked everywhere for my tiniest girl to take her to school. I finally found her – fully dressed and sitting inside the toilet bowl with a big smile on her face.

Over the years, I’ve learned that people with intellectual disabilities are no different than me. We all have areas in our lives that we struggle with; we all have disabilities. But we all have God-given talents and abilities too. God made each of us according to His plan for our lives. 

Working at Shepherds has strengthened my faith. I’ve seen God answer thousands of prayers these last 41 years! Nothing is too hard for our God.

Lessons in Friendship: A Volunteer's Story

Thank you to Gretchen Wysocki, from First Baptist Church of LaGrange, OH, for writing today's blog:

It’s been a couple of weeks since my son and daughter and I returned home from Shepherds Ministries.  We

First Baptist Church from LaGrange OH

had traveled with our church youth group from Ohio to Wisconsin for a week-long trip to serve alongside Shepherds residents, clients, and staff in the Shepherds Friend program.  We left expecting to serve and desiring to be a blessing to others.  God did, indeed, give us many opportunities to serve.  And, based on the warm responses of those we worked alongside, I believe He took our efforts and offerings and used them to bless others – to God be all the glory for that!  But what I didn’t quite expect (and I love how God works like this) was the extent to which I came away from the experience feeling like I was the one so enormously blessed.  I didn’t expect that the interactions and conversations with our friends at Shepherds would be just the tools God would use to reshape and refine my life.  I am not quite the same person having been at Shepherds, and I am very thankful God is faithful to His Word. (Phil 1:6)

Let me tell you a little about myself.  My name is Gretchen Wysocki.  I have been married nearly 19 years to my husband, Kevin.  We have three teenagers – a son, Nathan, and two daughters, Emme and Maeve.  I work part time as a registered nurse.

When the opportunity came up for me 

Gretchen and her friend, Becky

to go on our church youth group’s trip to Shepherds, I gladly accepted!  I was familiar with Shepherds Ministries and two of my kids who were old enough to serve at Shepherds were already signed up to go.  I soon found out that we would be taking part in the Shepherds Friend program.  Shepherds staff prayerfully considered information I gave them about myself to match me up with my friend for the week.  I was pretty excited when our youth pastor handed me a sheet of paper with Becky’s photograph and information about her on it.  I learned a little about her family, things she liked to talk about, and games she liked to play – all this before even meeting her!  How exciting!  Best of all, I could now start to pray for my friend, Becky, and for the week we would spend together.  My kids, Nathan and Emme, received a photo and information on their friends, Phil and Summer, respectively.  They were getting excited, as well.  Nathan remarked at how we and our friends seemed “just perfect” for one another.  What an example of God answering His people’s prayers!

I will never forget the first time I met Becky.  I introduced myself and she smiled shyly and said, “Hi.”  Work was a little slow in Shepherds Enterprises that first day together.  When I asked her what she’d like to do, she led me into the “break room” to sit down with her.  She readily answered my questions but soon took the lead and initiated conversations on her own.  I learned about her roommate, her family, and she showed me some of her “treasures” she keeps with her during the day.  We had moments of comfortable silence, too, watching the activities and interactions of others around us.  We were building a friendship.  Later in the afternoon, we got a job working together in Shepherds Enterprises.  Becky is a hard worker and knows her stuff!  She taught me what to do and soon we were making some real progress with our assignment.  We were a team, and it felt good to both of us, I believe.    

Nathan and Emme were having similar experiences with their friends.  Since all three of us were assigned to Shepherds Enterprises, we spent most of the day close by to one another.  As a mom, it was really neat to watch my kids and their friends build their relationships, too.

It did not take long at all to notice something about Becky, Phil, Summer and the other residents and clients we were spending time with.  Their acceptance of us was immediate and unconditional.  They didn’t care what we were wearing, what our hair looked like that day, if we said something awkward or silly, or what kind of emotional baggage of life we might’ve been carrying.  We were loved and accepted.  We were friends.  We were being loved like Jesus loves.  It felt great!  And, it was humbling and convicting.

How many times in relationships, new or old, have I let personal biases, preconceived notions, personal judgments, or hurt feelings keep me from loving others the way Jesus has called me to love them?   My new friends gave their love and acceptance freely and without judgment.  It was truly beautiful.  God was already at work through the love of my friends at Shepherds to identify and chisel away some rough edges in my life.  I came to Shepherds to serve, but my new friends were serving me with their willingness to set the example of loving like Jesus loves.

Summer and her friend, Emme

We had many chances to get to know our friends in a variety of settings throughout the week.  Shepherds Ministries is a fun and dynamic place, and there is always something going on it seems!  Nathan got to go to a Milwaukee Brewers game with Phil, and they went to a car show, too.  Emme and I got to have dinner in Lamb Cottage with Summer and Becky.  I have never felt more like an honored guest in someone’s home than I did when Becky welcomed me into her room at Lamb.  She showed me pictures of her family, her beads for making necklaces and bracelets, her special dolls and stuffed animals, and her collection of music tapes.  We listened to music together and talked about our families.

 

Another afternoon, Nathan, Phil, and I walked to the Dairy Queen across the street to get ice cream.  The road between Shepherds and the DQ was not particularly busy at the time, but we did have to wait for a car to pass.  Just as it passed and we began to take our first step into the street, I felt Phil’s hand take hold of mine.  He held it firmly until we got across the street when he then released my hand and simply said, “Thank

Nathan and his friend, Phil

you.”  This unexpected, simple act warmed my heart, and I was glad to be able to provide a sense of safety and security to my friend.  However, this was yet another opportunity God was taking to show me an area of my life that He wanted to refine in me.  Phil didn’t let pride or fear of what I would think get in the way when he had a need.  He didn’t let embarrassment over the fact that he was unsure or maybe a little fearful over a situation keep him from literally reaching out for help when he needed it.  How many times have I let pride over wanting to have an I-have-it-all-together appearance keep me from asking for help?  God has provided me with some invaluable, precious, godly friendships in my life.  These are people I know who would be faithful to pray for and encourage me, speak truth to me, or just provide practical help to me whenever I’d ask.  Phil showed me the value of being vulnerable and how God faithfully places people in our lives to help us, without judgment, just when we most need it.  I came to serve, but God used Phil to serve me with a really great example of being vulnerable and trusting.

Our time at Shepherds was filled with life lessons, opportunities for growth, and special connections made with our new friends.  We ate together at Shepherds Table, worshiped together during chapel and prayer meeting, played games, and talked about our lives with each other.  I learned I had something I hold very close to my heart in common with some of my friends at Shepherds, including Becky – the pain and heartache of losing a parent.  Eighteen months ago, I watched as my mom went home to her Lord and Savior.  She had cancer, and God, in His mercy and wisdom, healed her in Heaven instead of here on Earth.  I miss her every day.  Some of my friends at Shepherds know that kind of loss, too.  We were able to share that with one another. We found comfort together in the truth that since our moms and dads knew Jesus, they were now in Heaven.  Maybe our parents even knew each other now!  This was just one more example of God using the residents at Shepherds to serve me, even as I was there to serve them.  God knows our deepest hurts and needs and is faithful to meet them.  I love how He designed the body of Christ to work!  And that’s exactly what we and our friends at Shepherds who are in Jesus are – the body of Christ!

I won’t deny it – saying goodbye to Becky, Phil, Summer and the others on the last day was tough!  We had formed some meaningful connections with the people at Shepherds in a short time, and I think most of us just wished we had a little more time.  In addition to my new friendships, I had some new truths that God was revealing in my life.  I had my eyes and my heart opened to how I view others, both with and without disabilities, how I view my relationships, and how I view myself and the ways in which God wants to work in my life.   We hope very much to return to Shepherds again sooner than later, but the reality of this life is that death is a part of it.  My mom used to say, “Eternity is just a breath away.”  And, it’s true.  Maybe I will get to see all of my friends at Shepherds again in this life.  I hope so.  But, if that is not to be, I know that for those of us who are in Jesus, we have the absolute assurance of seeing each other again someday in Heaven.  

So, now what?  What do I do with all that God taught me while at Shepherds Ministries?  What do I do with the friendships, experiences, and memories?  First and foremost, I strive to honor God with them.  I make it my aim to say “Yes, Lord” to whatever He’s calling me to do, wherever, whenever, and with whomever.  I look for opportunities to love others like Jesus has called me to do.  I ask for His help to reject pride and self-centeredness and ask God to make me humble and amenable.  I let God use the pain in my life to make something beautiful and useful to Him and to others.

I continue my friendships.  In an age of cell phones, texting, tweeting, and facebooking, letter writing is nearly a lost art. (Do you know some schools aren’t even teaching cursive writing anymore?!)  My friends at Shepherds love receiving mail.  Last week, my kids and I prepared and mailed care packages and handwritten notes with photos from our time at Shepherds for our friends.  I wish we could’ve seen their faces when they received them!  Summer beat us to the punch, though.  A few days after returning home, Emme received a letter from Summer, and it absolutely made her day!  

More importantly, I continue to pray for Becky and the others at Shepherds.  As precious as she and the others have become to me, I know they are even more precious to their Heavenly Father, in whose image they are made.  They are loved perfectly by Him.

As I said above, we do hope to return to Shepherds – this time to serve as a family.  We are prayerfully seeking God’s timing for that.  Nathan, Emme, and I are excited to return because we’ve experienced the joy of God working in and through the relationships formed while we were there.  And, my husband, Kevin and youngest daughter, Maeve, can’t help but anticipate what God may have in store for them at Shepherds because the rest of us can’t seem to stop talking about it!

To say that being part of the Shepherds Friend program was a great experience would be a serious understatement.  I don’t think I could ever sum it up in one descriptive word.  I can say this with certainty though – I wouldn’t trade the time I spent with Becky and my other friends there for anything.  God used the relationships we formed there to once again, show what a loving, faithful God He is!  It is my prayer that our lives will reflect that.